Recalling P1: Kithood

    I don’t care to dwell in the past. It is useless to think of what has happened when you can focus on what you might achieve in the future. However, I find myself looking back upon my life from time to time. It’s hard not to muse, I suppose.



    I opened my eyes for the first time to find a pair of green eyes staring at me.
    “Hello my kit. You open your eyes at last.” The she-cat purred.
    Looking up and around, I saw that a towering ceiling arched overhead. Leaves grew together, entwined into a tight bundle, only allowing thin shafts of sunlight to pierce the vale. I knew of sunlight. I had heard voices talking as I slept, unable to fully open my eyes. Now I could see everything. Glancing to my right, I saw the eyes were there, framed in a face of black fur.
    “Mom?” I murmured. My voice was weak and trembling.
    “Shh…rest, my kit.” My mother told me, and licked my head gently. I tried to purr, and found that my throat ached. I coughed, and my head swam. I closed my eyes, exhausted already, and fell into sleep once more.


    “What are we going to do, Pinestar? They are so weak, especially him…” My mother’s voice drifted to my ears, and I opened my eyes a bit. Standing over me was a tall, muscled tom. His dark reddish-brown fur was thick and soft, and his clear green eyes gazed down at me.
    “They’ll be fine, Leopardfoot. Don’t worry. A few more days and they will grow in strength. They’ll be amazing warriors one day, and accomplish much.”
    Warriors? I thought. I loved the sound of that word. It was strong and fierce. With a sense of determination, I tried to stand. After one unsuccessful attempt, I was finally on my paws, and a rush of satisfaction overtook me. I gazed up at my father.
    Pinestar bent down, his whiskers twitching in amusement.
    “Hello, son.”    
    “Father,” I croaked. With a flash of frustration, I cleared my throat and tried again, “Pinestar, I promise I’ll become a great warrior for you! I’m not weak, you’ll see!”
    Pinestar chuckled and licked my forehead, nearly knocking me over.
    “You don’t have to prove anything, son.” My father told me. “I know that you will become a great warrior.”
    My heart thumped proudly and I puffed out my tiny chest.
    “Alright, kit,” Leopardfoot murmured. She swept her tail around me, pushing me towards two other kits. My siblings. “Better sleep now. Perhaps later you, Nightkit and Mistkit can play.”
    I wanted to protest, but my eyes were drooping, my legs shaking. I had to rest. Without a word, I curled beside my sisters and closed my eyes yet again.


    The next time I woke, my sisters were there. They gazed about with half closed eyes, looking as weak as I felt. I wished I could talk to them. They were my sisters after all. My kin. But I barely had strength to open my eyes, let alone stand and talk to them. Besides, something about my sisters seemed strange. Not only did they look half asleep, they smelled…strange. There was an ominous scent about them that I could not place, and it sent a shiver of unease through me. Closing my eyes, I decided to sleep instead.


    “Hey, brother…brother!!” A paw prodded my side, accompanied by the persistent mew.
    “What?” I asked, opening my eyes. It was Nightkit. She had blue eyes that peered at me curiously. She looked more alive then before, but there was still that scent…
    “Mistkit and I are exploring the den. Come on and join us!”
I lifted my head. Mistkit was sitting just a little ways away, peering over the edge of the nest. I looked around and couldn’t find Leopardfoot.
    “Where’s mom?”
    “She went out for a bite of fresh kill.” Nightkit explained. “Now come on! Before she gets back!”
    “Alright!” I was beginning to feel excited. Exploration, adventure…it sounded like something a warrior would do!
    Gathering my feet beneath me, I tried to stand. My paws trembled under the weight of my frail body. Why am I so weak?! I wondered to myself. Before I could catch myself, I had fallen over. I struggled against my own body, screaming at myself to stand, to see the world. But my legs just wouldn’t move. Tears of frustration leapt to my eyes.
    “Want me to help you?” Nightkit asked.
    “No! I’ll do it on my own or not at all!” I said. In the middle of the statement I broke into a fit of coughing. I tried to move my legs again, but they barely inched to stand up. Exhaustion crept through me and my head spun.
    Slowly, I curled into a ball, hiding my face in my tail.
    “You’ll have to go without me…”
    “Alright…maybe next time you wake up!” Nightkit said reassuringly.
    I closed my eyes and slept, trying to ignore the stream of tears that ran down my cheeks.



    A week passed, and I could finally stand up and walk. When I left the nest, I was overjoyed. It was the first real proof that I could accomplish my goal. I can walk, so there’s nothing stopping me from becoming a warrior now!
    “Don’t go too far!” Leopardfoot said nervously.
    My mother was watching from the nest, and as she spoke, she began to get up, as if to help me.
    “I’m alright, Leopardfoot!” I reassured her. “Don’t worry!”
    I smiled and stumbled out of the nursery for the first time.
    Full sunlight lit my face and I stared in astounded silence at the world.
I had heard of the clearing beyond the nursery. Of the dens, and trees and clouds, but they were more amazing than I could have imagined. The sky seemed to go on forever. The clouds so enormous they floated overhead in large swaths. The trees towered so high above that I had to sit back and crane my neck in order to see their tops. The clearing itself was magnificent. Cats walked to and fro on various businesses. I watched them in wonder, and suddenly realized something.
    This is all mine! I thought with a thrill. This is my camp, my clan, my territory. Those were my trees and these were my friends and family.
    With this in mind, I felt energy flow through me, and I felt like running. I could run and run forever without feeling weak and tired ever again. I pushed myself to my feet and ran to the nearest cat I could see. It was a grey tom with darker speckles across his back.  His fur was ragged and unkempt, and for a moment I doubted my decision. Feeling there was no going back now, I walked up to him and said,
    “Hello!”
    The ragged tom stared down at me with wide blue eyes. For a moment he simply sat still, and I wondered if he had heard me. Suddenly, he leapt to his feet and opened his mouth in a fierce hiss.
    “Get away from me you scum!” the grey tom spat.
    I backed away, surprised and hurt. What did I do? !
    "What are you doing to my kit?!” Leopardfoot demanded.
    I looked up to find her standing over me, teeth gritted in a snarl.
    The grey tom did not reply, only glared at the queen and I. He lowered his head, eyes darting and began to walk away. I heard him muttering under his breath,
    “Forgive me Starclan. He should not have lived…I’m sorry he lived.”
    I felt a chill run through me for a moment, wondering if the ragged tom was talking about me.
    “Don’t worry, kit.” Leopardfoot murmured to me. “That old tom may be our medicine cat, but he has lost more than a good share of his mind over the seasons.”
    I tried to find solace in my mother’s words, but the the tom’s mutterings could not be shaken from my mind.




    I woke in the nursery a week later. The moon was shining brightly, silvery light leaking through the ceiling and dappling the ground. A whisper drifted through the entrance to the nursery and I pricked my ears. For the first time I realized Leopardfoot was not curled beside my sisters and I. She must be the one whispering! I thought, and pushed myself to my feet and walked as fast and as quietly as I could to the entrance.  Crouching, I glanced through the doorway. Two silhouettes were seated outside, talking in desperate whispers. Straining my ears, I was able to catch a few words.
    “…Leave now! The kits need you!”
    “Please understand…!”
    “IT’S YOUR DUTY, PINESTAR!”
    I stiffened. Leopardfoot and Pinestar were the silhouettes. What are my parents talking about? Is Pinestar going to leave?! I felt a current of panic run through me.
    “…after all these seasons, don’t I deserve some rest?” Pinestar hissed angrily.
    “…the elder’s den?” Leopardfoot said desperately.
    “I am leader, that’s not possible. I’m sorry, Leopardfoot.”
    “What about your clan?! What about…what about me?” Leopardfoot’s voice had slowly lowered as she finished. I crept forward to catch her last words. Peering out, I saw Pinestar lean toward Leopardfoot and touch his muzzle to hers tenderly.
    “You mean the world to me, Leopardfoot…” Pinestar murmured, “I will always be nearby, and I hope that one day you may join me.”
    Leopardfoot withdrew immediately and snarled,
    “I would never give up my clan to become some Twoleg’s toy!”
    Pinestar’s silhouette flinched. He lowered his head in sorrow.
    Without another word, Leopardfoot left her mate standing in the clearing. She stalking toward the nursery, and I hurriedly rushed back to my spot in the nest and curled up, pretending to be asleep. Leopardfoot lay down beside me, her head near mine.
    “Leopardfoot, is something wrong?” One of the other queens, Snowfur, asked wearily, lifting her head.
    “It’s fine, Snowfur. Go back to sleep.” Leopardfoot responded in a whisper.
    Snowfur opened her mouth wide in a yawn and closed her eyes again.
Leopardfoot settled down and remained still, but in the stillness and silence of night, I heard the soft sounds of her crying.


    The next morning, Leopardfoot led my siblings and I to the entrance of the camp. Other cats had gathered, arranging themselves in a semicircle around Pinestar. As we neared, I heard the cries of my clanmates,
    “Is this true?!”
    “How could you?! You are our leader!”
    “Do you have no honor?!”
    I gazed at the cats, withholding true anger for the first time. I still didn’t quite understand, or perhaps I didn’t want to believe, what was happening. The cats parted, allowing us to meet Pinestar face to face. Silence fell, and Pinestar spoke, loud and strong,
    “My fellow Thunderclan cats. I realize that many of you already know what I am planning to do, but for those who don’t, I shall tell you now. I am leaving Thunderclan.”
    Cries of outrange rang through the ravine.
    “Listen!” Pinestar yowled, and silence fell again. The air crackled with tension. “Each and every one of you deserves the highest place among the stars. When I leave, Sunfall shall take my place, and he will make a marvelous leader. I have been honored to serve you this long. The rest of my life will be spent as a kittypet, where I have no battles to fight, and no lives depending on me for food and safety."
    His voice died away, and this time, silence met his words. The Thunderclan cats stared at him in shock. A few had tears in their eyes, and some glared in anger. As Pinestar turned to leave, he hesitated. His eyes fell on Leopardfoot and his kits.
    “I will always remember you.” He murmured, his voice no more than a faint whisper.
    Leopardfoot turned away, her expression one of immense pain. I stared up at my father with a terrible mix of feelings boiling in my stomach. There was fear, hatred, pain, anger, and sorrow. Suddenly, Pinestar’s eyes caught mine.
    “I stand by what I said before, my son.” Pinestar mewed. I stared up at him, my heart racing. “You will be a great warrior one day.”
    Despite my father’s encouraging words, I found myself grow angry. It was an irrational anger, and it bubbled inside of me.
    “Go away!” I growled under my breath. Pinestar saw the anger in my eyes, and his tail fell as he left the clearing. I stared after him, still growling. As his dark reddish-brown tail tip disappeared forever from my sight, I felt a moment of loss and deep sadness. My father was gone.



    Not long after my father left the clan, I woke to find Nightkit and Mistkit stone-cold beside me. I woke Leopardfoot, who yowled in pain at the sight of her two dead kits. They were buried outside the camp, with many murmurs of sorrow and regret. From then on, mother kept me by her side. I was pampered and fretted over by not only Leopardfoot, but by all the clan. It quickly became annoying, and I found myself arguing with my mother more frequently. All the while, the medicine cat ranted to anyone who would listen how dangerous I was. I could hear him yowling outside the medicine den as his clanmates passed: “Do not be deceived! Starclan has told me time and again that he is dangerous! He will bring death upon us all! LISTEN TO ME!”
    No one did. But I wondered about his words. Why am I dangerous? What will I do? All I really want is to become a great warrior. I just wish to serve my clan, make it as strong as possible…
    Despite the ravings of the mottled grey tom, I found much happiness in my time as a kit. Everyday my legs grew stronger. My heart and pulse seemed all the more powerful, and I could run, explore and play for longer amounts of time every day. It felt good…no, extraordinary to be free from the weakness of my early moons.
    I swore I would never return to the weakness of before. From here forward, I will be the strongest warrior in all the clans. That is my one vow to myself.