Texting My Brother

River: Brother of mine, how is the fluffy cat, whose name represents the Mighty Hammer of Thor? Does he play well with your long furry friends (ferrets), or has a war unlike any seen before brought tension and destruction to your household?

Swiftbreeze (bro): The cat is unharmed and happy. How do thy travels fair the?

River: They fair us well, Brother. Although our butts have grown sore from hours spent in this vehicle, we have had many interesting conversations. Pray tell, what activity are you currently engrossed in? Does work weary your body, or does the glass screen of moving images entertain your mind?

Swift: I travel the area that is Thunderclan mall. A fascinating place as I have found myself trapped in a place known as MarksAndSpencer. I must admit that their articles of clothing amuse me.

River: Ah. Yes, this concurs with my previous experience with your behavior. Strange that I am the female, yet you, the male, have a greater fascination of clothing garments. Well, such is life to be ironic. Mother and I have embarked on a mission to find a Candy Outlet. A sign on the road boasted of magnificent treats and cascading delights...only time will tell if we see such splendor.

Swift: You're weird. Enlighten me, oh sister of mine. When dust thou start your journey home?

River: We make haste toward Cincinnati now. We discovered the Candy Outlet and rejoiced in its splendid selection of confections. After frolicking in a candy induced glee, we are back on the road, heavy with gifts for Christmas. Mother insists on listening to David Bowie nonstop.

Swift: May thy travels be swift and a**hole free!

River: Brother, I am sure that you have not caught wind yet, but lately I have taken an interest in game design and such. Perhaps I will have a future developing the newest Halo games or some other such entertainer in that industry. If I did, I must let you know that I would release no spoilers to you, the player.

Swift: Sacrilege! You will reveal all your secrets to me! Dust thou knowith that the Master Chief Halo Collection is in my possession?

River:

And now a reenactment of events in the car:
River: Mom! To Swiftbreeze's house!
Mom: River we're going home. If you want to go to Swift's you'll have to go later.
River: Alas! Mother, I let you know now that I shall not regret my actions!
Mom: River!! Let go of the wheel!!!!
River: Halo! I'm coming for you!!!


Swift: Ha! Mother, release thy instrument that prevents my sister from squashing her brain with the brilliance that is Halo!

River: Swiftbreeze! I'll be there as soon as I am able. Unfortunately, the dark forces of the universe have united in an effort to crush my dreams, and thus my very soul!!! Never before has such an atrocity been committed, for to keep me from Halo is on par with massive slaughter! Ah, I fear that, for Mother to do such a thing to her own daughter, she must be possessed. Brother, I ask that you wait for me. For although I fight the very essence of cruelty in this Universe, I shall be sure to reach your side by tonight. Believe in me!!!

Swift: ...

River: Nevermind, too tired. See you tomorrow if you're free.


River: Dear brother, I shall be on my way to your apartment within the hour. Pray tell, is there time for a spree of Halo?

Swift: My sister o mine, the spree has begun without you. Make haste!

River: Ah yes! I forgot to mention. I carry with me food of splendid cheesy deliciousness. Those of this era call it 'pizza'. It was forged in the fires of Papa John's residence!

Swift: Just as I foresaw! Your tricks do not get past me o sister of mine!